GENDER TODAY
Relearning and understanding gender from a holistic, trauma-informed perspective
I believe, among others, we are steadily evolving from a more physical world to an energy world. Just consider for a moment how the world has recently and quickly shifted in the last three years since 2020. Most of us relate more online than we do “in person.”
GENDER IS EVOLVING much like our world is. It is not the same to be a man, a woman or even transgender as it was in the 2000, 1920s, 1800s, 1000 B.C. Transgender people and gender diversity have always been a part of humanity, and we are reaching a far greater understanding of the depths of gender identity. Evolution is amazing and brilliant, it’s time to embrace the vast world and the beautiful diversity of humanity. We no longer have to be held down by mindsets that predict your future based on what's in your pants. What a relief! We are conscious on so many levels as a society and have access to so much knowledge now. We no longer have excuses.
I believe that our traditional mindsets on gender and thus social structures (policies) have not caught up with the REALITY of gender as it relates to the body and people’s lived experiences. If you look around the world, the entire globe, men and women come in all shapes, sizes, characteristics, heights, senses, expressions, strengths and abilities! We are in this together and we can begin to accept the depth of humanity beyond the physical body by embracing all of our senses, which include gender as a core part of self and identity.
My core beliefs of health, gender and healing:
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Gender is of the mind, body and spirit.
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Gender makes you, you. There is no one exactly like you on this planet, and gender identity is a part and a function of your uniqueness.
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Gender identity is a core part of self that is felt without yet knowing. Some people do not consciously know their core gender identity in childhood.
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Gender today is not just one thing, and it's not nothing. Gender does exist! Consider gender expression, social gender norms, gender identity, gender and the body, “gendered” structures and constructs, gender as “biological sex”, gender language.
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We are more similar than different across gender identities in regards to emotional, mental processes and health. One’s emotional health and ability to express emotions is not inherently conditional to one’s gender identity or biological sex.
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The embodiment of gender is a measure of health and healing, not physical anatomy or characteristics.
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Gender and sexuality are interconnected, though not correlated to one another. These are facets of one’s core self.
LIMITING BELIEFS OF GENDER AND SEXUALITY
Gender and sexuality are not inherently sources of distress in the human experience. Rather, they are integral, core parts of the self, of being human and connecting to others. It is negative experiences rooted in social rejection, emotional neglect, harm and a lack of belonging from birth that can lead to painful and distressing ways of existing., resulting in a disconnect between one's true self and how one moves in the physical/social world.
I believe that gender wounding and sexual trauma are some of the most severe sources of pain and distress that we are just starting to truly acknowledged and heal in a deep way beyond our historical group mindsets of rigid gender norms based on the conditions of biological sex; this causes many to feel disembodied, living in fear or shame. As an example, we live in a very masculine dominant society that unfortunately has mistaken toxic masculinity for a function of core gender identity of men, thus paradoxically we have been unable to face the ways in which we condone violence and the harm that gender norms have caused to both men and women, boys and girls.
Girls and boys grow up learning so many messages about themselves and their body, sexuality and their emotions starting from birth based on “biological sex”, or what is perceived physically.
Many times, there are conditions to one's emotional expression or self-expression that is conflated to one’s gender identity, sexuality or self worth. “Don’t be a girl”, “boys don’t cry” “you’re so gay” or “you’re weak if you cry” are just a few examples. It is a prominent social belief that “men are just violent, hyper sexual and scary”. How many women or people can relate to being afraid of men? Or having disdain for men? How many people find many images of women as devalued, or serving a man? Or seeing women as overly emotional, or too much emotionally? How many women can relate to feeling objectified by men or the social eye?
Many of these beliefs we have “embodied” as a society come from the idea that boys and girls are inherently different creatures with different ways of processing and expressing emotions, causing emotional repression as well as trauma throughout the lifetime. Men are just inherently violent, aggressive and anger is the only appropriate emotion for men to express. Or men, cannot seek mental health support because that is viewed as weak and men must be strong, the protector. Women are the only empaths or nurturers in the social mind, not men. Or women are meant to take the back seat, be silent and not take on leadership roles, or are viewed negatively if women are assertive. Or for trans people, there are limiting beliefs that trans people are mentally ill, don't exist, are born in the wrong body or that to be trans one must make medical changes or have "Gender dysphoria".
Then add racism, resource scarcity, segregation, religious harm as well our vastly changing, face paced world where it’s all out there where everything is known and perceived.
We are now realizing the need for change in order for us to all belong and live healthy lives together. Beyond “boys will be boys” and “girls will be girls” mentalities. By enforcing limiting and negative beliefs of men and women, we cannot create space for accountability, growth and transformation.
I believe that we are creating a world where trans people belong as we start facing social beliefs of gender as a whole that are just not true.
WHAT IS EMBODIMENT?
Core Self: present from birth like a seed, made up of intuition, values, self-identity, love, trust and honor
Think empowerment. Am I making decisions and choices in my life that empower me or that are draining me of my power or causing harm to myself or others?
Embodiment is being able to make choices that align with your body, heart and mind working in synchrony together. Internal conflict, stress, disease, distress, dissociation, or ‘survival mode’ are examples of a mind, body and social disruption, or disconnect that limit one’s ability to live a healthy life. Core gender identity is a part of health and feeling whole, or embodied. Gender is felt, living in the body, heart, gut and mind.
Someone’s sense of suffering or distress is never because of just one thing. Life and people are complex! Trauma is a result of a multitude of experiences originating from one’s inner self-perception, one’s direct external environment, one’s experience of socio-cultural (or group) mindsets and the entire planet around us. Our distress is based on a plethora of experiences that have shaped our core belief patterns and attitudes. These experiences shape our perception, reality and what we feel is possible for our lives.
Trauma is a result of energy that remains repressed (stuck) in one’s body and ability to be present, hence “living in the past”. I call this disembodiment.
I define the core self that is present from birth like a seed and what makes you, you. There is not an individual on this planet earth like you. You are unique, which means your purpose and what you can create is unique. Core self is connected to your intuitive knowledge, living in your gut and heart space. Core self is “self energy”, always there and healing is strengthening your core self. I believe our authentic gender identity is a part of one’s “core self”.
Core self holds adaptive and positive qualities of an individual, and is inherently healing energy. Core self is composed of qualities such as: compassion, curiosity, calmness, forgiveness, love, resilience, intuition, authentic self-identity in gender and sexuality, self-esteem, power.
Consider children, the innocence, freedom and bliss that childhood can be. Many people can identify with an early childhood self that just “existed” in the world without concerns, fears or preoccupations. Look at a child, how beautiful, curious, innocent and inspired. Overtime, our ability to “just exist” and belong as we are is stifled with life experiences that come with conditions to our self worth and self expression, from the day you were born. And this is what life is about! No surprise pain and suffering come with life and the lessons we learn from this pain. Children pick up messages as early as 3 years old about their life and who they can be. These are internalized subconsciously. Part of healing is developing consciousness over our “unfinished business” and aligning our heart, mind and spirit together in the core self.
When we fall out of line with our core values, desires and beliefs in life and instead have feelings of betrayal, shame, or guilt, this causes us to make choices that cause internal conflict and distress. This negative energy in shame covers a core self or one’s ability to access one’s inner truth, to not only survive but thrive and create. See the graphic above that represents health and healing.
Be yourself and embrace the wisdom of your body to heal, live in harmony and balance!
COMPONENTS OF GENDER
The Embodiment of Gender
Being embodied in one’s authentic gender identity comes with balance, harmony and health. Our traditional mindsets take the approach that gender only encompasses biological sex, thus often a focus only on physical anatomy and sex characteristics. Gender is more complex than that, and one’s authentic gender identity is much deeper!
Everything operates on energy and information exchange and flow. Embodiment of gender is when energy flows, or in other words, there is a sense of alignment between one’s body, mind and social environment. When there is a disruption or a disconnection between the heart, mind and social world this is disharmonious and creates distress.
Health is about balance, energetic balance, even when we go through stressful times or experiences. We must bounce back to find harmony once again.
Read below to learn more about how we break down gender identity and the embodiment of gender within the three realms of the physical body/emotional body, mental body and the social world:
SOCIAL SELF: SOCIAL ENERGY AND THE EXTERNAL WORLD
Gender expression, gender norms, social mindsets and structures
“I am in the world.”
The components of energy derived from others and the social world encompass a variety of elements, including interpersonal interactions, policies, practices, structures, the planet, and collective mindsets. Trauma can arise in different areas, such as attachment wounds, like social rejection or emotional neglect, and socio-cultural oppression, which encompass forms of discrimination like racism, transphobia, sexism, among others.
Why social affirmation is important? A sense of belonging is vital to life as one's authentic self, feeling seen, safe and heard in one's core identity and self.
CORE SELF: EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL BODY
Core gender is present from birth like a seed, felt without knowing, sensed in the heart-gut
“I feel and sense.”
Why is trans healthcare so important? Medical interventions support in aligning the physical body, with the social self and one’s inner self-image. Medical interventions such as hormone replacement therapy and gender-affirming surgery may be very significant for someone who is transgender. There are many, many gender-affirming medical interventions in healthcare. Women and men receive interventions targeting hormonal health, reproductive organ health, chest health and overall body-image.
Let’s continue to strive for systems that honor bodily autonomy and trans affirming care that is necessary for many people as a part of feeling embodiment in one’s core gender, or alignment of heart, mind and body.
SELF-IDENTITY AND THE MENTAL BODY
Gender Identity
“I know and I speak.”
Perception, consciousness and language are components of the mind, a part of our internal processes that facilitate being able to identify one’s gender identity and way of being in the world. A result of trauma is limiting belief patterns coming from negative experiences, such as abandonment or social rejection, throughout the lifetime. Gender identity is language used to identify one’s core gender and how someone chooses to relate to the social world. Gender is a part of one’s self expression, related to feminine and masculine energy and social gender roles/norms.
Why is a sense of self and authentic gender identity so important? Being able to feel, know and embody one’s authentic self and gender identity in the world facilitates harmony: mind, body, social connection.
GENDER AND SEXUAL EXPRESSION
See graphic below
Binary Gender/Sexual Models: refers to social attitudes and mindsets that embody and associate gender and sexual expression to the conditions of biological sex at birth as associated with traditional social mindsets of gender & sexuality. This fits for many, but not all!
Spectrum-Fluid Models: refers to frameworks used to interpret gender and sexual expression as evolving and changing overtime in accordance with each individual’s unique sense of self and truth. One’s core self/sense of self may not necessarily fall within the social attitudes and mindsets of binary/sexual models of biological sex.
